decision time

Let me start this post by saying that I may have hit a wall. Although, I have been eating right and exercising, I think my body is at a different level and needs a change. I won't know if I have plateaued for sure until I weigh in this Saturday, but I just feel stronger, not skinnier. My exercise needs to intensify, especially since my cousin wants me to run / walk a half a marathon with her. If I choose to do this, I will have to be disciplined enough to commit to the training it involves. My goal for this week is to push myself a little bit more in regards to exercise. It will need to be my focus whenever I have a spare moment.

There have been many choices I have had to make since the start of my journey and I am sure everyone who is trying to loose weight has made many of them also. If you are like me, you need to hear the positives and focus on them. In order for me to be productive this week, I need to do just that. So here are some kudos for not just me, but for everyone who has taken steps to take off pounds.

Kudos to ............
those who have changed their eating habits.
those who have moved off the couch and have done some exercise, no matter what it is
those who are at least one pound less than they started
those who have kept what they loss off
those who help and encourage others to stick with their program
those who are still open minded and considering a weight loss program
those who want to deal with the emotions attached to being overweight, and for
those who feel better about themselves.

am I there yet?

So, my new assignment was to work out at least 12 hours this week. Between Sunday through Wednesday of this week, I worked out 8.5 hours. That averages out to about two hours per day. I took today off. I just couldn't go another day. There are three days left and I need to arrange at least four more hours of exercise. Then, I start over for the following week. Who says it gets easier? The best thing about having longer work outs is I know that my heart is stronger. Other parts of my body do not feel that way. My next weigh in is not until February 6th and I am already worried.

more gas in the engine

Have you ever just wanted to go after something? Tonight I had a sweet tooth and I so wanted something with chocolate. I opened the pantry to realize "I had nothing." I had to think if I was going for food because I really wanted something sweet or was I trying to deal with new demands. I was told I had to up my exercise to at least 12 hours a week. All I could think of was "how"? There is so much for me to do in the day already. I am not suppose to stress out, but if I don't make the 12 hour mark I will be stressed. I ended up having a glass of milk with some mixed berries.

Tonight I wish I could be addicted to exercise! This way loosing weight would be easier.

destination marker #1

Okay, Okay uncross your fingers etc. Let's have a drum role please! YES! YES! YES! I officially lost my first fifty pounds yesterday. That was an amazing feeling, especially knowing how many set backs I have had. The feeling I had yesterday has carried on today. It is a small, but important accomplishment and I can not loose sight of what I have done and what lies ahead. I have three more chunks to reach my goal - two more 50 pounds and then a 25. That is another 125 pounds! I will continue.

Today I went for a walk and as I turned the last major corner back to my house, there was a sign in front of a church. It said "Do not let what you can't do interfere with what you can do." It is amazing how this reflected my week with my ankle sprain. I was not going to exercise as much because I was too focused on my injury rather than what I could do despite it. A lesson learned!

maintenance and repair

Okay. I went to the doctor today to have him check my ankle. Although one side is still swollen, I have good range of motion and less pain. That means I will be good to go in about a week so long as I keep the brace on to stabilize the ankle. If you are wondering if I got out of training, the answer is no. I worked out on Wednesday to discover that there are many exercises you can do without the use of your feet. My abs, bottom, and thighs had a thorough workout and I feel it still today.

I continue to maintain my good eating habits. Tonight, I tried salmon. You know, I had it about five years ago because someone who loved fish ordered for me. There are many ways to cook it and I am not the least knowledgeable about how to cook it. I had a choice of blackened and then blackened with cajon. To be safe, I ordered mine regular, Tell me something! Why does it have to come served with the skin on one side. That really grossed me out. If the rest of it was attached, like the eyeballs, I would have had to thrown it back. Seriously, take the bone and skin off for me. Needless to say, I ate it with lemons. It was good and I am willing to try it again.

Now for tomorrow. My husband and I have our trainer consult and weigh in. I have gotten used to this routine, but tomorrow is kind of a big day. I am hesitant to weigh in because I was shooting for my 50 pound mark. If I make it, I will be ecstatic. If not, I have to keep telling myself that I am in a better place than I was in September. No getting down and playing the 'what if" game. So, keep your legs, fingers, toes, and whatever else you can crossed for me. What number will I hit?

off the road

Ok. I was asked "what happened?" I told the doctor that I went skiing and managed a triple flip, but when I landed I hit my ankle. He was impressed. I laughed and said I was just kidding. I couldn't actually tell him the speciifcs except that I missed a step on my stairs because of my vision. How sad is that? One little slip and I have ruined the momentum. All I could say to him was "please don't say it is broken!" He laughed.

After sitting in the ER for about a hour and a half, I received the results of my x-rays. I want you to know that as much as exercise is hard for me, I did not want to hear that my ankle was broken. Luckily, it wasn't. It is badly sprained. I am upset because now I have to limit my exercise. This reduces my training and work outs. My first thought this morning was to go to the food. "Well, if I can't exercise it is going to hurt my program. So it won't matter if I go after food." I can report that I did not. In a way, I think I need to have the experiences / emotions that made me go to food. I know I have had a few so far. The reason why I think I need those experiences is because I am retraining my brain to react differently. If I continue to make different decisions down the road when I have those feelings, then I won't associate them with food for good.

This is not the time for any kind of injury. I am not happy with the fact that I am loosing time. Why? I know that the exercise has been a crucial part in me loosing weight. Diet alone did not work for me and that is what I have right not. So, what does that mean. I am not going to be going down the scale. I have to sit back and watch the time pass. I don't want to though. I want to be up and running. If I do, then I can make matters worse. Why did this have to happen?

on the road- not having everything in your home with you.

This last weekend was a challenge. My husband and I went up North to work and staying on our current diet for three days was going to be challenging. Remember when I talked about snacks in the car for pre-diet road trips? Well, this time our snacks were totally different. We packed the protein shake, the protein bars, and the nuts. Out intention, was to buy fresh fruit and veggies from the farmer stands on the side of the road. Unfortunately, the stands were closed so we had to by fruits in the store. Saturday was easy in Gilroy, the garlic capitol of the world. Our meals contained the right foods and I thought the rest of the weekend was going to be easy.

Needless to say, we hit Solvang and by Sunday, our diet was off track. Was it that I did not plan enough snacks / food or was it already set in my mind that we were going to have a cheat day? I think it was the latter and let me tell you "cheating was not easy." No, the self induced guilt I felt and created was making the cheat become more difficult. Once I ate the wonderful danish, I felt horrible. It bothered me throughout the day and since I was not prepared, my lunch meal was not very healthy. How was I going to survive eating dinner? There was no way I could take he day back. The only thing I could do was try to make my last meal somewhat healthy and compliant to my diet. No fast food places that was for sure. We ended up at a nice steak house and the food was delicious, the company was great, and the ambiance was wonderful. I skipped the rice, but ate the vegetables and protein. I even ate the asparagus which I know I am allergic too. Aside from a swollen mouth, I did not regret trying it. It had been a long time since I had eaten it.

When we came home, we had to get back into the swing of things. Our trainer was coming over and I had to confess that I was not able to get in any exercise. I was feeling great as I trained, but I must of taking a bad step going up my stairs. When I took off my shoe, my ankle was swollen and not I have to deal with it. I can't afford to have any problems with my body. I cried all night. If something is wrong with my ankle, am I doomed? Off to doctors to find out!

these words are not in your drivers manual

Okay, I worked out tonight and I wasn't sore. When it was over, all I could think of was all the words that are used during training. I felt like I did not master the exerices given to me. I was lost in the words as I tried to make every minute count.

So here is Traning Academy Vocabulary 101.

Reach. Higher. Touch. Squat. Lower. Do it right. Start over. Sprint. Give me more. Break. Finish it. Staighten up. Knees higher. Knees lower. Do it again, Good job. Make it count. Hold it. Slower. Faster. Jog. Hips back. Bend. Lift. Push it out. Butt down. You can do it. That doesn't count. Water. Feet in. Turn to the left. Get hands up. Stretch. Run. Hold the weight. Push it up. Relax. Bigger steps. Smaller steps. Legs apart. Legs together. Back straight. From the knees, not the back. Get there. Work for it. Extend your knees.

Sound confusing! It can be. Hang on because I am sure there is more to follow.

packing for the trip

Have any of you gone a long road trip? Did you have the need to pack up the food? We have gone on several trips. We bought food and took it in the car and ate what we wanted, when we wanted it. We had plenty of snacks at our disposal. Since our new meal plans do not allow for the emotional food that so warmed my soul, we have to deal with what we can eat. This week my husband and I had to learn how take the new foods in our home and prepare them for our meals. I never thought about what I was having the next day, much less five to six meals a day. What did this mean for us? First, we actually had to think what we are going to make with food in the refrigerator ahead of time. Next, was the planning of each meal. We had to make sure that each meal had the right foods and food amounts. The planning was not that difficult, but making and boxing the food was. After planning and preparing, the food was put in containers. Now, there are many containers with the right foods for the three meals we eat at work lined up in the refrig, one set for him and one set for me. How long can I do this? The time we have in the evening seems to be decreasing. By the time we deal with the daily grind, our children, our exercise program, and now food planning and preparing, I am somewhat missing "me time." I do not like having more to do. Maybe it will get easier or maybe I can pon it off on my husband. I am hoping it doesn't get old! For now, I know I have to do it in order to make progress and to stay focused on my diet. The plus side is that it is easier to get out the door in the morning!


So now let me talk about the emotional food that so warmed my soul. I have to be honest. I am tempted and I do miss certain foods that either tasted so good or where my favorite comfort food. I think about how I can reinforce myself with those foods, but I haven't. You would think I would be thinking about reinforcing myself with new clothes, shoes, etc., but I don't. I have to keep telling myself "I can't right now." I have to remember what my goal is by next November.

thinking about the drive

Today, I have had some time to reflect on my journey (or should I say now my husband's and my journey). There are obese people who do not diet or rarely exercise. If you are there now, I can relate. We watched reality shows and were in awe by massive weight loss from week to week. To us, that was soooo not reality. Although many people may want to go, there are too many obese people in
America that will not get a chance to leave their daily grind to go on a show. So what happens to all of us? We have to figure it out ourselves. We need to develope a support system and learn to make baby step changes toward something very complicated. There needs to be an avenue in which we can relate to someone who will help and support us, especially during emotional or weak moments. The person who you click with could be a family member or friend. You need to believe that change is possible and that the list of I can's becomes greater than the list of I can'ts. The more you practice something, the more of a habit it becomes. The first part of our journey was making sure our children and family were supportive as we decided to make a committement without excuses. I can go back there so quickly if I do not stay focused. Here it is four months into the journey and I realize that what lies ahead is still not going to be easy. This blog is for everyone who has helped us stay committed and on the right path. Thanks to our three boys (we know the changes with the food in the home are not easy for them), our trainer, our parents, our friends, our family, and our co-workers. This journey is much easier with your support!!!!!

Here is where we are now. We both weight 255. Since September, that is a 44 pound loss for me and a 35 pound loss for my husband. Where do we want to be? My husband has 70 more pounds while I have 126 pounds to go. It is coming off slow, but the point is "it is coming off." The small losses from week to week have added up and it is starting to show! That is such a great feeling.

the drive gets harder

Today was full of surprises in regards to training. You know were you are going usually and you have an idea how it is suppose to go. I had known that some of the skills that I was learning and doing were getting easier, but I also knew that I had room for improvement. I could have better form or more repetitions in a certain amount of time. When it came time to train tonight, it started very familiar. The jogging back and forth to get my heart rate up. No biggie! Very tolerable! After that, it was like I was in an unknown place. Not one exercise was the same. Each exercise was a variation of something that I may have tried but HARDER! The sweat, the lack of coordination, and the incomplete trials were present. I managed to finish but my body ached. Yes, all over!

The biggest difference between this change to changes in the past was my reaction. Boy, I can remember how I cried and tortured myself when change was expected of me. I wanted to fight the change as much as I could. I had excuses and the easy way out tempted me. But not tonight. I tried. I knew that the road to weight loss is getting bumpier and I had to give it my all. If I don't, I will only be hurting myself. I would be defeated. I can't feel that way since I have come so far. All I could think of with every exercise was, how am I going to do this? How am I going to finish this set? Will this get better? Well, only time will tell. I still have many miles to travel and I have to look forward in order to keep focused on my destination. In the meantine, someone please pass the ice pack or get me a massage!

on the road again with work at my side

Wow! My relax state of mind and body was out the window today as I started back to work. I don't know if I mention it in the past, but I was definitely a stress eater. There had been many times were food was relief, especially if I was at home. The bag of chips or the cookies on the shelf were so comforting. I justified having not just one or two, but several servings of three or more. I try to go back to that place now. Yes, I liked the food. Yes, it tasted good. Yes, I deserved it. The when I finished eating, I felt like the food replaced my stress and I could push issues aside. Never did I worry about the calories, how much weight I was putting on, or if I was eating just to eat. It felt safe to me. So I did I handle today. I kept busy as I felt tension throughout my body. There was no desire though to stress eat. I could have dug into the goodies at the work table, but I walked right past them. In the past I would have indulged in a treat or two. Not this time. I dealt with the intense schedule and every time I felt tense, I got up and moved. I walked around the school, stretched my legs, or found something to do other than sitting. That was a huge difference for where I used to be.


The best thing about today was the compliments. Yes, people are finally noticing the weight loss and I feel reinforced for all the hard work I have invested. As the new year starts I have to be proud of the 40 some pounds I have lost and keep my mind focused on the other 130 more to go. The changes in diet seem to be working although there are a few foods I can not tolerate. Greek yogurt for one. It makes me gag. I tried it with fruit tonight. While the taste was a little better, it was not great. The taste is something I will have to get used to if I decide to continue eating it. When I came home, I was ready for my workout with my trainer. It released more tension and I actually felt like I could go for an hour more. -