don't drive on that road that got you no where

These last two weeks have been extremely busy and I have found myself repeating a lifestyle that is not supportive of losing weight. The amount of work is overwhelming and I am not finding the time I need to exercise. It seems that the overload throws off everything from the diet to the sleep. I am frustrated and I need to work it out so that I don't drive down the road that let to me gaining weight. I need to get off this bumpy road and back on to the pave road that made the drive so much better.

change your mind set along the way

Well, I am still alive!!!!! The half marathon is over and my husband and I can say we definitely put out our best effort. During our training for it, where were averaging about a 19 minute mile. So, our goal was to complete it under four hours. The most difficult thing was standing in line waiting for your wave to take off as you are standing jammed packed in a crowd. I felt like I was going to pushed down to the ground. After twenty minutes into the walk, people were spaced out and you were pretty much setting your pace. By the seventh mile, we were tired, but knew we were half way done. We knew family would be there to support us about mile ten which was great because that is were you feel like you can't continue. My husband was slightly ahead of me. I was talking to a family friend who walked with me front load me on the road ahead. We did not see our trainer and I was sure that if he had come, he would expect us to do nothing but our best. As we approached our eleventh mile, out of nowhere, here comes our trainer. It was a total surprise (probably the way he wanted it). Anyway, he joined us and ran with us to the end of the marathon. Hearing that voice from someone that knows how my body feels and performs was encouraging. To think, last year at this time, it idea of walking a marathon was just a thought. Back then our trainer said we could do it. We were hesitant to believe we could. To know that the commitment was made to do it and we were all there at the finish line together, made this event in our life come full circle. This year has definitely changed our mind set. We went from "we can't do that" to "we can do that."

No matter how hard the road to your weight loss becomes, remember you can. There will be bumps along the way, but you can succeed.

the big day!!!!!

Well, tomorrow is it. My first half marathon and I am so nervous.

the next road trip

Well, here it is over one year later and I am walking a half marathon this upcoming weekend. Never in my mind would I have thought that this was possible. It is doable and Sunday is the big day. At first, I was nervous about not making it at all. As I trained, I felt more comfortable and new I would finish. The goal now was to finish within four hours. Tonight, I sit wondering if I am really going to make it. I definitely need to get my mind set and not let nerves get in the way. The one thing that frightens me is the start. Due to my vision difficulties, I do not do well in mass crowds. I would hate to be toppled over right at the beginning. When I am in situations were I am surrounded, I just stop. Hopefully, I can be toward the back and start off behind the pack.

How will things turn out? I will let you know.

THE ONE YEAR MARK - WHERE I WAS AND WHERE I AM NOW

How many of you have wondered what your life is really about when it comes to weight loss or getting healthier? I have looked back at my journey that started exactly 365 days ago and I have learned / accomplished so much.

Really? At the beginning of this journey was I prepared for what lied ahead? Did I really understand the commitment? Did I acknowledge what was affecting me from dealing with my obvious obesity? There are pictures of me smiling and looking as if I am having the time of my life. Honestly, it was not like that. Every time that photo was snapped, my throat swelled. My eyes felt like a pipe full of water ready to explode. I didn't allow that to show. I was miserable inside wondering things such as who was laughing at me as I walked by, who am I to deny that something is wrong, who am I to blame events in my life for my obesity, and who am I to justify that being over weight was okay. If I was to give myself a report card, I would have three big "F's" - FAILURE, FAT, FATIGUED!

On October 2, 2009, I received a call from my trainer regarding my first private training on October 3. He was clear about his expectations and about what I should expect. But one thing struck me that day and it was "I really hope you are ready to take on this new lifestyle." What did that mean? I was only starting and what did he mean by new lifestyle. Wasn't this temporary to get me to lose weight? On the way to the first workout spot there were many hills. I was crying, I was terrified inside, and I was sick! No so much because of the workout, but mostly because I was this lady stuck in a body that was worse that a blown up blimp and realization hit. Everything that holds one back from facing an addiction was no longer suppressed.


Sure, it took a couple of months to get through everything, but I had to. In order to grade myself better, I had to change my work habits to earn three "A's". To earn those grades, I had to internalize what to do to achieve them. No matter how much a person may want to change, they have to really do something about it. I did by working and even to this day keeping the three "A's" as a daily reminder of what I have to do - "ACKNOWLEDGE, ACCEPT, ACTION." I had to develop a mind set that I have to acknowledge my behaviors. I can't change anything that I can not recognize. I had to accept events in my life for what they were and not dwell or get stuck on them so much that they controlled by life. I had to take action. Not just for one day, but everyday. Whether it was action in regards to eating healthier, getting sleep, exercising etc., I had to do get moving and stay moving. Finding the balance between spiritual, emotional, health, leisure, work, and other aspects of my life needed to be and continues to be foremost in my mind.

So using my "Triple A" card daily, wasn't always easy, but some of the most important things I used it for was to go from:

1. barely walking without being out of breath to running at least 15 minutes without being out of breath.
2. not being able to bend down and touch the ground to being able to bending over and touching the ground with flat hands.
3. weighing 305 pounds to 205 pounds.
4. a top size of 28 to top size of 18.
5. a pant size of 26 to a pant size of 16.
6. someone who dwelled on the past to someone who looks forward to the future.
7. someone who sat around and watch TV to someone who is training and will do a half marathon.
8. someone who ate at weird times mostly out of stress or emotions to someone who eats well planned out meals.
9. never thinking about fitness to someone who participates daily in it.
10. someone who felt like a failure and was continually afraid of it to someone who dreams and desires success.
11. someone who was pessimistic about what I was able to do to someone who is optimistic about what is to come and confident in completing new tasks.
12. someone who let her visual impairment limit her to someone who uses her disability to her move forward.
13. someone who was not respected to someone who has given hope to others and inspired them to get moving.
14. someone with no energy to someone with more stamina.
15. someone who spent over $500 a month on junk food to some who doesn't crave that food.
16. someone who verbally supported others to start to someone who invested money to get someone to start.
17. someone who thought of losing weight as a temporary fix to learning that this is now a "lifestyle".

Support is important and I have it! I have so many people to thank for accompanying me on this journey. The people in the car has ranged from being alone to having six or more in it at the same time. God for giving me the strength and faith. My husband, Mark, for his companionship and constant drive not to give up. When I am weak, he is strong. When I am lagging, he is pushing me. I am so glad he is with me in this journey and it will lead to many more years together (this is our 25th anniversary year and I look forward to many more). My sons, Kyle, Matthew, and Martin, for supporting our food choices, joining us out there in exercises, complimenting us, and helping us perfecting our form when exercising. There is nothing better that your children telling you that they are proud you. My dear friend, Elise, who is now part of our journey. Her unconditional love and support to me is priceless. My mom and sister for their words of encouragement to continue. My cousin, despite her willingness to push me into marathons, for her heartfelt talks about this journey. My family, friends, and followers who have provided words of motivation. My trainer, Ernie, for his insight to see something in me since the start that I never saw in myself. His guidance has truly been motivational and successful. He takes his job seriously and "walks the walk" to lead the way. He has taught me so much about health and fitness that will forever change my life.

Here is my one year journey anniversary wish - that one more person takes at least a year to devote time to a new lifestyle and in turn, helps others get started. Your journey will be absolutely the most frustrating, tiring, complicated, confusing, consuming ride; yet, rewarding, successful, achieving journey of your life.

looking out the window during this journey

Okay, has reality really checked in with me or what? My birthday has passed and I realize that I am getting older. I feel much better than I did before, but I am getting older and I can not go back and re-live the last twenty years. I need to move forward. As I have lost weight and I am more aware of my body and what it looks like, my mind is full of thoughts about others I see who are over weight. I get mad knowing that it took me so long to make a decision. I get upset about the wasted years of my life of not being able to do something. Now that I am better, not perfect, but better off, I so what the same for others. I want to know what it is going to take for others to get started. Can I really help someone get started? Most importantly, can I help someone start and make a difference in their life over a time. I am concerned about others and if I can somehow share what I know with others than I will be able to come circle with my weight loss journey.

100 marker

I was running around the house, jumping up and down, crying and cheering. Got the picture? As of today, I am 100 pounds lighter. What a journey!!!!!

first long destinaton mark is almost here!!!

My last weigh was last Friday. I am two pounds shy of my 100 pounds lost. This has been a long journey so far and it is not over yet. I have waited for this to come and I anticipate that I will reach it within the next week. I have just added fuel to my journey.

pushing it and wanting it

The exercising is still on!!! You would think that after eleven months of better fitness things could slow down. Nope! They have not. In fact, I have to train and work out harder to loose the weight. The pounds do not come off as they did before and it seems as though every little thing I forget to do or do not do as well as I should, affects my progress. I have to keep reminding myself of my goals. I read a quote that fits what I am going to have to do as I complete this journey. As things get harder I have to know that "desire is the starting point for all achievement, not a hope, not wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything," Napoleon Hill.

what's changing on the road

My husband and I had a conversation about our training. We started out with individual one to one training and the frequency varied. We know for a fact that the level of intensity has changed and will continue to change, especially as our bodies adjust to what we are doing now. What are we doing now? We have replaced the individual training for a small group training and the training is more frequent in the week. I love the fact that I get to share the small group training with people I love and who are not there to look down on me. Outside of the class, there are days where we exercise on our own. The weird thing is that when we were out of shape, we didn't love the concept of training that way even though we did it. Now that we are in better shape, we miss it. I think we saw the results it brought us and now hope that the change in our training continues to promote the results we have had. I am flexible when it comes to change and feel change is good as long as it moves things forward.

tomorrow is a fresh start

Well, I have only attended two fitness classes in the last twelve days and the last day I privately worked out with my trainer was July 27. Needless to say, my workout routine drastically changed. I can't wait until tomorrow so that I can get back into the exercise routine. This month is a much lighter work load so we are planning to step it up. Once September comes, our schedules are not so flexible.

Our game plan is to workout two times a week as we had in the past. We are also going to add a brisk walk mid-day. I am prepared to move forward. October 2010 will mark my one year of embracing fitness and better health. I am positive that my vision of where I wanted to be will be evident.

Wow, wow, and wow!!! I went back and read some of my earlier blogs. I have achieved a great deal! For all of you who are just starting or have been in this journey for a while, "go forth and conquer." You can do it also!!!

back on the road as the journey, although never forgotten, continues

Okay, I am safely home from my very fun and relaxing vacation. Let me tell you something, I learned a great deal about myself these past few days in many different areas. The three main things dealt with what keeps me from moving foward, what I am going to do about it, and how I see myself.

The first thing was my exercising pitfalls. Before I left on this trip, it was always about when I was going exercise, exercise and exercise. Sure, I kept the other aspects of my journey in my head (food, rest, staying positive), but the workout consumed me. Why? I was told that I had a roadblock (no pun intended). I guess you can develop thoughts in your head that prevent you from performing well in your journey, no matter what it is. Some of the things I thought of even though they do not all relate to me were: "why would one think they can't do something, why would one sabbatage themself, what is one afraid of, why does one make excuses, why does one try and justify not sticking to a program, why does not one move forward, what is it that one obbessess over, what is one's attitude about what they are trying to do and are they really trying to do it." Each one of us is different. I we really want to figure it out, we will. For me, the pitfalls of exercising to the fullest extent rested in my fears.

Secondly, I realized that I have to change my way of thinking so that this journey can continue full speed ahead as I have goals to reach. I know it may seem silly to some, but I needed a plan. I usually just get up and do things, especially the things that do come easy without a game plan. But in order for me to beat this weakness, I have to have a realistic way of moving forward. I read a couple of informational articles and talked to my hubby. He gave me his advice. Now, I must implement my intentions.

The last thing was "I really needed a break from it all"!!! This whole healthier way of life and the daily stresses of life are always formost in my mind. Do you torture yourself? Soemtimes I do. I think about my successes, I think about what I should of done, I think about what I did or did not do, I think about my mistakes." My mind can be a boomerang of thoughts bouncing side to side and all over the place as I dwell on every little aspect of my life. No more!!!! I realized that is is toooooo much work. I am wasting gas. No wonder vacations are needed and much appreciated. I need to move on and if I do focus on something, it needs to be my visualization and conceptualization of how I see ME as a better person.

a side trip

Okay, so tomorrow afternoon is it! Vacation for a couple of days. Although I will not be exercising hard because I am giving my body a rest, I will walk. I think I am going to need some help so here is a little vacation prayer.

Dear Vacation god,

Please, get me to my destination safely. When I am there, please, please, please help me eat healthy, party well, but wisely, rest enough, find a gym, and make it back home safely.

a different pace

Yeah!!!!! We completed a two and a half hour walk this am in order to train for our half marathon that is coming up in a couple of months. If felt great to know that I lasted without stopping and we were even able to pick up our pace a little. Hard work still lies ahead.

getting out of the car to stretch and briefly forget out being on the road

I needed a break. It was fun to walk on the sawdust, go to the lumberyard, and cool to "Eat, Drink, and Be Merry." What a totally different day!!!

what do you think about along the journey?

I know that there are some people out there who do not care about the imperfections of others. I thank my friends who accept me the way I am as I do them.

The weird thing is that I have funny feelings about my imperfections. I do it to myself. I am worried about what hangs out of my shirt when I work out. I think about how uncoordinated my body must look when I am doing exercises. I know I don't feel comfortable wearing certain clothes out in public. Yes, even with the weight loss! I was talking to someone the other day and we were discussing what we would wear if we have the perfect body. I still couldn't see myself in a bikini whereas she could. How much of this is my conservative upbringing? How much of this is a self-esteem issue? How much of this is being comfortable with what I look like?

I do know this for sure - I am pleased with what I have done so far and I do not want to go back to where I was. This journey is hard and I am learning more about myself as I take it. This journey with family and friends has taught me a lot about others as well. There are truely some amazing people in my life!

did i miss a turn?

Today was assessment day in our fitness class. We had to try and beat our time going around the lake two times. I completed the laps way longer than the last time I did it. How did that happen? Did I miss a turn? The best thing about the fitness class is I get to see family and friends work toward better health.

polishing up

Okay, I get that I have made progress. I CAN do more now that I could back in October. I just can't understand why my form is still not there. Tonight, I tried doing a couple of exercises that I have trouble with in front of the mirror to help me see what I am or am not doing correctly. Also, I started looking at some fitness books to that show the proper form. The girl in the book looks great, but I had a hard time mocking her form. I guess I need tons of practice.

pictures anyone?

Okay, I finally did it!!!!!! I posted a new picture of me and my husband. I am trying to hit first small goal and weigh in at 205. Once I hit that, I hope it will refuel me for the continuation of this journey.

the strength of the journey

I had a wonderful day! Great weather, great friendship, and good exercise. In everything I do along this journey, I know one thing for sure. My strength is my heart and I do not necessarily mean that in a medical way. I believe my heart is my strength as it is in the right place when dealing with various things that get thrown at me in life. That strength overrides all my imperfections. Now, I just have to figure out how to use that strength to fight my weaknesses.

can I change the eta?

For those of us who have set goals with a certain time frame, can we reset the time we have given ourselves to meet those goals? Yes, I know I have come a long way and I am proud of what I have done. I set the goal to be 100 pounds less as a mini-goal and I just can't seem to reach it. Every time I have to post pone the mark, I get angry at myself for not not reaching it. Many things are running through my mind and I can't figure out why I just can't get there.

the heat of the journey

There are no air conditioners outside!!! It is so hot to workout in the middle of the day. I have to thank my husband for pushing me out of bed to do early morning workouts. Oh, in case I forgot to mention it, we have very, very, very early workouts that I was (am still) not too fond of them. But, I do have to admit I like working out when it is not so hot outside. Additionally, I have more energy throughout the day.

Do you think that there are times when you question why you are doing this? I do everyday and I am proud to admit that I am grateful that I made the decision to change. Sometimes you can get lost in the difficulty of it all, the food, the pain, the time etc. But what it boils down is the accomplishments. No matter what they are... they are accomplishments. I would have never have known that I could have done what I have by today. It does matter how far I go, but I can't dwell on the numbers that lie ahead. I need to focus on the numbers that once were and use those to keep me moving on in my journey.

a change of pace

In order not to be tired of the same fitness routine, I have done several new activities to keep myself moving. Within the last two weeks, I have played volleyball, gone a hike, and walked along the beach. Now with my vision problems, volleyball was hard and I must of looked foolish just trying to go after the ball. The point here is that I tried my best. I haven't played volleyball since college and every muscle hurt the next day. My reward for trying hard was several bruises. All in all, it was fun.

Do you like hills? The hike I took was up and down several hills with various inclines. It is hard to run up the hills, especially on rocky or bumpy surfaces. I really got to see a certain side of a local city by taking the hike.

The walk on the beach was more difficult than I thought. At the wee hours of the am, I walked barefoot in the rough sand for an hour and a half. My legs were definitely feeling each step. The best part of the walk was the sound of waves crashing. It was a peaceful and tranquil sound that makes you forget about every thing that is on your mind.

So, keep in mind that as you exercise, it does not necessarily have to be in a gym or in a class. Take the time to exercise in your own backyard, a park, or other place in your environment. Enjoy the beauty of the environment as you take the time to get up and move.

boy do I feel healthier

You know, I have been told not to worry so much about the scale but to focus on the exercises and the new meal plans. The loss of inches can tell more that pounds lost. Today, I am just amazed about how I feel. After hard workouts or just a long day, I feel healthier. I breathe easier, I have more energy, and I am up and about. My way of life has made a significant turn and I am okay with it. So for all of you out there, here is to feeling and looking healthier. I know I have added years to my life. How many more years do you think you are adding on to our life?

road block

Last week was another weigh in and measurement day. I was so sad to find out that I gained two pounds and added four inches. How is that possible? I was in a slump Thursday and Friday and found it hard to exercise or eat like I know I should have. It wasn't until Saturday that I started to come around somewhat. I don't think I am over the fact that I gained. It is these times that made me not want to start a program. I don't like to admit lack of progress. This is hard for me and I hope I can shake it off completely....soon.

throwing it out the window

Believe me when I say that tonight was a bit exciting and fearful at the same time. The exciting news that my husband and I threw out nine trash bags of clothes that no longer fit us. Wow!!!!! It seemed as though the clothes we were wearing were baggy on us. The fearful thing is that there are not too many clothes left and we really do have to succeed. The clothes that were comfortable to us are now gone. We can not turn back now.

are you ready to stay in the car for the journey?

Well, the first section of the fitness class is over and Monday will start a new one. There were so many positive things about the class and wanting to promote a better lifestyle. When I started I had so many great intentions. It was awesome that pounds continued to shed off of me. It was great that my heart is in the right place. It is wonderful I was trying to create an atmosphere of health and wellness. It is great that for the majority or us, there was a sense of teamwork and spirit to encourage each other to continue, especially when it was tough. Most people were on board and shared their "huffing and puffing" and their determination. This is what keeps me going and for each person who gets up and does something for better health, I am touched.

There was only one concern I had about the class, well not really the class, but about the frame of mind when people start off doing the class. Sure no one wants to work out hard every day and it would be a great thing if we could talk to our body and wish the unwanted fat away. (Believe me when I say that I wish my arms would listen and that flab of fat hanging like wings would just disappear). There comes a point when we have to realize that a healthier way of life is not just exercise, not just "dieting", and not just our mental positioning about wellness. It is a combination of all these things. It doesn't matter how much you want to help others. I really did learn that if someone is not ready to join the journey or put some investment into doing what we are all doing, then you or I can not get them there. Change is self inititated and self maintained. I have learned that the hard way. I have to accept change even with my program. Things are getting harder for me and if I don't change something, whether it be the intensity or the frequency, I am not going to move down the road and my journey slows down.

So to all of us who are continuing our journey.... we deserve to be proud of ourselves and we must continue to encourage each other, especially through the tougher times. It doesn't matter if we don't write every day. What matters is that everyday we are continuing to think and act upon how and what we are going to do to stay focused our our goals to better health.

starting out on the road for another week

Well, here is the beginning of a new week and I realized that summer is right around the corner. That does not mean I am running to the store to by a new swim suit (nope, not at the level yet. I think I would look too heavy still and I wouldn't want to scare anyone away.) What is means is that time is passing by quickly and I have to stay in check with my goals. It has not been easy lately as issues pop in and out of my life. I have to deal with them and also keep on top of my new way of life. Sometimes that can be hard. The issues seem to become a priority and the focus I had with my weight plan decreases. I have struggled and it has been hard to do the home responsibilities, the work responsibilities, and everything else. It can be stressful. I use my workouts to relieve some of the stress. I have to work on getting myself to the gym or just outside to exercise on the days I am not in the fitness class or private training. When I do not go, I make myself feel guilty and I get upset that I missed an opportunity. I can't miss opportunities if I want to reach my goals. So here is to making the best effort to exercise daily no matter what life decides to throw at me.

still heading in the right direction

Well, today was another weigh in (223 as of today) and it looks like I may get down to ninety pounds lost be the end of May. Can you believe it? This journey has been long and hard. It is only going to continue that way as I try to lose another ninety pounds. I can't believe that so many months have past by already. There have been a lot of challenging days and I need to be driven to continue. The training is getting harder, but today was fun.

In our fitness class, we got to play kickball. Let's see, I think the last time I played was in fourth grade (yes, many moons ago). I had forgotten how to kick a ball properly because my toe is hurting. Anyway, it was hilarious trying to see me run and kick, much less trying to catch the ball. The other people did well and I am always impressed by the coordination these guys show. I think today was the first time I have played any kind of group sport in twenty years. In addition to forgetting how to play, I forgot how much fun you have as a group and how much your body works in what may seem like a simple game. You know, exercising can be fun, especially when you change it up. Next Monday and Wednesday will be tough workouts, but I can wait to see that "fun Friday" is next week.

the class continues

Well, we are now starting the fourth week of our class. I am so pleased to see everyone in the class who is trying their best. This Wednesday will be my first weigh in for May. I am trying to reach 100 pounds lost by the end of May. It is going to be a challenge. Today was mother's day and I took a day to rest and enjoy my family. Funny, my body missed getting up and doing something, but I had a great day! Hope all of you celebrated with your families as well.

the race is on

This is the second week of my fitness class. Boy am I sore and tired! Okay, it is one thing to get off the couch and do some exercises by yourself. It is another thing to go out with others and exercise. At first, I did not think that a group was for me. I did not want to have the sense of being last because I am so slow. I am do not think anyone felt that way about me or others in the group which is a good thing (if there is, they might through me out). As a matter of fact, there seems to be some kind of bonding with the people in the class. We did some relays tonight. There was a lot of encouragement going on and as I was trying to sprint, I could here "go Kathy, go!" I think when a group of people are doing something together and are sharing the experience, there tends to be more understanding of how one feels and the struggles they have. You develop a sense of compassion and you want everyone to do well together.

Now, as for our the leader of the pack.....well, let's put it this way, he keeps us going!!!!!! (why doesn't he run out of energy?). Just when you think that you have adapted or got used to the exercise... boom, things change. I think he likes the element of surprise and does not want us to know what is next. He combines so many aspects of fitness into the workout you have to think is this cardio, weight, or resistance training or a combination of them all. Oh, oh, oh, he should be proud of himself if his goal was to make us sooooo, sooooo, sore.

different people on the road

Tonight was day two of our fitness class. Do you think that laughter is a way of getting out nerves? I think our laughter at the beginning of the class was due to not knowing what we were going to be expected to do. So much lies ahead and I don't think that any day will be the same as another. The demonstration of each excercise is needed so that we can improve how we complete the exercise. I do have to admit that I wish I could whip out the exercises as well as the trainer. Will I ever get there?

Each person definitely has different skills that they bring to this class. No matter how different, we have to try our best. My form is not the perfect and I feel as though I am the last one done, espeically when it comes to running. While everyone is working out, you can see the effort and the struggles. You can only be supportive and encouraging when someone can not do another repetition or go down lower. As you begin to do an exercise, you go for a weights (hmmm,let me see should I uses a low weight or a high weight). Frankly, I think it depends on how you feel and what the exercies is. This journey is going to be challenging and it is my hope that everyone continues and no one drops out. This is a not just individuals trying to achive personal goals. It is now about a group that will need to function together, espeically when trying to complete tasks that involve cooperation and team work.

sharing the road

Well, time has passed since I first started this new way of life. As I have said, my husband is on board with our wellness plan. My sister-in-law has begun to exercise and watch her diet in her state. But tonight is the beginning of really stepping out by helping and encouraging others. It is about being an inspiration to someone and then watching others continue that inspiration. It is about watching and being a part of someone doing something that is going to prolong their life. It is about working hard and having others to fall back on, especially when you are having difficulty. Tonight, family and friends, seven total will share the experience as we work out together in a fitness class. I am excited for everyone and hope that this program contributes to healthier lives for us all.

The first class is done and I am so proud of everyone out there. The trainer assessed our skills. His demonstration and modification of exercises for the advanced to the beginner was awesome. He knows that we are all different, but expects us all to do our best and give nothing less. I know that each person there is capable of moving forward and gaining knowledge about health and exercise. If one person meets their goals or performs better by the end of the class, then satisfaction is abundant. You know when you take the first step you can be resistant and hesitant. And while some of them may have been, they all came around and did what they were asked regardless of how difficult it was for them. Sharing the road is going to be fun and challenging. We will all be out there moving, starting and stopping, driving ourselves fast or slow, and watching out for each other. This is truly the start of a new venture for a common goal. There is truly a warm feeling in my heart tonight.

just driving along

Wow! It has been a long time since I, as well as some of the bloggers I follow, have posted a message. What has kept me away! LIFE. Yes sometimes that "life stuff" consumes you and you don't realize how much until there is a quiet moment. I have been trying to write a new post for several days and have just saved it every time I added to it. As I work and do, there are so many things that I have to deal with. Good thing some are minor issues. The bigger issues though keep me busy and overwhelmed at times. I have used the things I have learned since I have been on this change of meals and exercises. Those new skills have helped me get through the past weeks. I can't say though that every thing has been perfect. It has not and when I stray away, I get mad at myself. I realize I am trying to get rid of weight that has taken me a while to put on my body. I know that i have made baby steps. I know that I am not done. This is the middle of the road and I feel like I am in a slump like driving down one mountain and not being able to pull out to go up the next mountain. Support is crucial and one has to have it. I hope that along the way everybody has their support system. It is a bummer to feel like you have lost it just because you have done well.

So, sorry it has been a while. I hope everyone is one track and is doing what they need to do to live a healthier life. Keep doing what you are doing and do not lose sight of your goals.

put on your seat belt

Ok, I sat down in my seat. As we were getting settled in our seats, I distracted my family so that the attention was not on me. I sat back in my chair and had the belt in both hands. They clasped together. Yes.... I did it !!!!!! No seat belt extensions needed on the airplane. What a way to start the trip!

off the road exercusion and into the sky

Well, today I get to get out of the car and into a plane. I am going on a weekend trip to Texas. My day is filled with errands. The fun stuff about the trip is that I will be at the mall shopping for new clothes (I am excited to see what sizes I fit into). Prior to my life changing meal and exercise plan, I was wearing size 28 pants and shirts. I get to have a manicure also. Last time I flew, I needed a seat belt extension. Talk about the humiliation. Some of the airline attendants are not so friendly as they embarrass you about needing one. I am hoping that I do not need one which will avoid any discussion to anyone on the plane about it. Keep your fingers crossed! The most difficult thing about the trip is going is the commitment to eating well and exercising. The family will be taking us to various places non-stop, especially since I will only be there for the weekend. I am sure the birthday party we go to will be fun, but full of drinks and food. The home cooked meals and the other food favorites of mine will be something I have to deal with as I participate in the family festivities.

So off I go! This is really a test for me since I am not taking my support system from home. I have to do this on my own. If I am my worst enemy, I am not going to go well and I will make this harder than it should be. I have to find the strength to have control!

another check point

Well, yesterday was it...weigh in and measurement time. I had no weight loss. I am still at 241, but I did lose about five inches off my body. I have taken time to read some of the blogs I follow and there has been common topics we all share. The one I want to address today is about not seeing the numbers that we want to see when we get on the scale. It would so nice if we could just tell that scale what it should read for that day! When you have done well on your meal plan and you feel you have done what it takes to lose weight, you expect to see good numbers. If good numbers do not happen, how do you feel? Disappointed? Frustrated? Sad? Unsuccessful? I think emotions hit us, especially me. What do or what did I do with that emotion?

The biggest emotion that hits me is failure. I know that might sound strange after all I have accomplished. But that emotion is one that got me here in the first place. When I was hard on myself for things I did not do, I ate, and ate, and ate. That is not what I do now. It is hard to stay focused during this time. We have to!!! I have to write this because it helps me work my way through it and hopefully you also.

Yesterday I had to think of how long it took me to get here. Here it is! I had this pattern of reaching for food for about the last 22 years. Now, I am expecting it to go away instantaneously. How foolish of me? It can go away, I just have to retrain my brain.

I know it was only a two week period, but knowing I did not get what I expected for those two weeks drives me crazy!!!!!!!!! So what is my plan? I have to get up and continue. The meal plan has to be followed and the exercise needs to be there. I have to know that this battle is one I put out there and I have to finish it.

Question - Do you think that we become our worst enemy as we go through our weight loss journeys?

surviving the first leg of the trip

Ok! One week of boot camp is done and I can't believe I made it, especially since I had to give my beauty sleep. Really! I am not a morning person so just getting out of bed and making to every session this week was hard. Talk about hard. OMG. The exercises, the drills, and the pace was intense. It seemed as though each day I discovered muscles I never knew I had. Also, I never knew what you can do outdoors to exercise. Who needs a gym after the trainers creative mind of how to use the environment? Losing weight is getting harder and I have to keep telling myself that I have to do whatever it takes. The sore muscles and aches will be worth it in the end. Please note - since I am still over weight, I can not perform like others in the boot camp who are in better shape than I am. There is not way for me to measure up and it did bother me. But, I did something for my satisfaction. That is, even though I was not the first one done nor the one with the best form, I completed the exercises. No short cuts or quitting. At some point, I think I developed this inner strength that tells me I can't fail. If I do, then every person who negates the way of life I am choosing, wins. Where is your inner strength? How can you develop it so that you continue to pursue what is important? I know you can. Again, it is not easy, but it can happen. For as many times as I was negative or rolled my eyes out of disbelief, I could kick myself.

BTW - Tomorrow is weigh in time. I don't know what the results will be given my new meal plan. All I can hope for is losing inches if I do not lose pounds.

who is really going to be in the drivers seat?

Okay, tomorrow is the big day. Three months of boot camp and I do not know if I am driving the car anymore. It seems as though when I will be in boot camp, I will not be the driver. Just an exhausted passanger. When I am not in boot camp, I guess I can take control of the wheel again. So hang on for the ride, I will definitely be sharing my experince with you (that is if I am not lying down unable to get up off of some hill or something).


How are you doing? Got questions? My trainer now has a blog and I read his first post yesterday. It may be helpful to those of us who have started a weight loss program or to those who are still thinking about starting a weight loss program. We all may have questions that are unanswered about weight loss or we may be trying to gain more information. Remember, it is good to have a support system. It is good to know that there is someone who is open to helping. You may want to check out his first blog and / or ask him questions.
GO TO: http://100essentialsteps.blogspot.com/

BTW. I am being encouraged to take another photo of what I look like now. So, you may see another picture up on my blog. Can you believe it is still hard for me to post pictures? Yes, I have lost weight but I am still over 100 pounds overweight.

no dui's while you are on the road

Well it has been a week since my last post and I have one more until I weigh in. This week has been very stressful. I realized that when I was stressed, I usually went for food. But this week was different. The stress was so intense that I felt the NEED for an immediate release. Food was not even a consideration, but alcohol was. Sadly enough, I craved drinking. I so desired to have it in my system to help me relax. In the course of a year, I would drink about 4-5 times and for sure on New Year's Eve. When I did, I rarely put myself in a drunken state that left me sick. I would get myself in a place in which my body relaxed. I NEEDED to relax. I felt like I was a time bomb waiting to explode. There did not seem to be another way of dealing with the stress level. I cried and came to realized that I was still stressed but I had a red nose and swollen eyes. What was I going to do? I took deep breaths and just laid on the couch until it was time to go to bed. I did not have an ounce of alcohol or food. I knew if I submitted to the desire, I was doomed. Being under the influence would only have diminished the stress temporarily. I would still have to face the issues that were the underlying cause of the stress. How many step backwards would I have taken? How wrong of me to even consider it? :-(

I know we all have our moments. I feel ashamed for sharing this moment, but I have to tell you this new life style is difficult at times. Difficult does not mean stopping and giving up on yourself. Difficult does not mean you need to fail. It just means there are road blocks that are sometimes not so easy to pass by.

what is out there to eat on the road

Well, if you read my last blog, I talked about being at a stand still with my meals. The fault is only mine because I do not cook much and I just grab what is available on my meal plan as I am heading out the door in the morning. Last Friday, I had to voice my concerns about my lack of variety and eating the same old thing this week to my trainer. Was I wanting to complain, was I wanting him to solve my problem, or was I, in a way, giving him the heads up that I was not doing as well as I could with all the options I had? No matter what my intent was, I knew that deep in my mind I could have justified eating something that I shouldn't be eating. Then I became angry at myself because I thought that one of the reasons why I resorted to junk food was still in my head. Why is it? Well, then I thought to myself, when I have those thoughts, I have to do the right thing so I reteach myself how to react when I have them. So, instead of going to a restaurant on Friday in that mode of desperation to eat something different, comply with my meal plan, and no meat for that day, I went to a familiar grocery store and bought foods that I know were good for me.

What surprised me happened the next day! When we weighed in on Saturday and had our measurements taken, our trainer, with a smile on his face, told us that he had a surprise for us. What would it be? Immediately, in the back of my mind, I was thinking "oh no, not more hours of training. I can't even get the hours in now." I was preoccupied that his idea of surprise was not going to be what I thought was a surprise. Since I am the way I am, I was jumping ahead trying to guess and voicing my opinion about it not being more exercise time. So what was the surprise? Talk about feeling you were listened too! Talk about a feeling that change is ahead and while it was something you may have wanted, it wasn't how you wanted it! He presented us with a different meal plan with more options. This is the wonderful part, especially for me knowing how I felt last week. The skeptical part for me is the amount of food intake we are now to consume. My point exactly - it was want I wanted, but not how I wanted it. My trainer has kinda of figured me out in a way.
Towards the end of my training session, he talked about the new meal plan and then talked about my journey so far. A great deal was said and I needed to soak it all in as I considered the big picture. When all was said and done, I had a boost of confidence and my judgment of myself was not so harsh. I need that to stay stay with me for a while.

So for the next two weeks, my road map has changed. The new meal plans will be in affect starting today. This will help with having variety. Then starting the first week in March, a major change. In order to support my son who is interested in getting healthier, to help me get the exercise in, and to develop some kind of exercise schedule I can follow, I am starting boot camp. My next weigh will be March 6th and I can't even guess what will happen!!?!! I can say though that my trainer has not steered me in the wrong direction. I am behind the wheel and I need decide how I make that drive.

another check point

This Saturday was our weigh in. I can honestly say that the more you continue on your weight loss program, the harder it gets. The pounds are not so easy to loose and it seems to take more work just to get a couple of pounds off your body. I think I complained about my mealtime eating habits because I was getting tired of the same old thing. I am not a very good cook so variety has always been a problem and a previous contributor to going out and grabbing junk. I know I was in a little rut. "Choices? Yes, you can continue or not!" There has been this a voice in my head since the day my trainer told me this. I didn't want to believe it would get harder. I have chosen to continue even though it is harder. What keeps me going is that I am almost at the 100 pound loss mark and the numbers at the weigh in, no matter how small they are, they add up. So, for the last two weeks I had another 5 pound loss with another 9 inches off my body. This time most of the inches off were on my thighs. Yeah! (Frankly though, I wish I could tell my body were to get rid of the inches. Wouldn't that be nice!)

I am at 241 and I have only 41 pounds to be at the 200 lb. mark and 36 pounds to reach 100 pounds lost. Little by little, one step at a time!

the picture is posted

Okay, it is up! Yes, I had enough guts and I posted it. Last April we went on a cruise. I have posted a picture that shows me at my heaviest and it something I am not too proud of. Like I said before, I am embarrassed that I took my body this far. As you know I am working on loosing the weight. Next year, we want to go on an Alaska or Caribbean cruise and I want to look 100% better than I did this time around.

snapshots along the way

Well, my husband is definitely on board with our "lifestyle" changes. He is the one focused on getting to the gym to exercise or getting me up to walk. I am the one who encourages the right food. Today, Valentine's Day, he served me my cereal after our long walk. One of our topics of discussion was about our monthly pictures we take to document our weight loss. We have taken front, back and side views of how we looked and those pictures of me would scare anyone away. So those will not be shown to anyone.


There are other pictures. Some of you have a picture on your blog whereas I do not. Do I put a picture of myself out there? If you would have asked me in September, the answer would have been a definite "no". I was too embarrassed to acknowledge how fat I was and I was extremely saddened about the way I looked. Looking at pictures of me makes me depressed. I can't believe that I let myself go. The stress, the emotional issues, the emotional eating, and the addiction to food to smooth over feelings WON. I was the loser and the lack of eating right / exerciing was the winner.

If you ask me if I will put out a picture now, I guess I am at least considering it. Here is the deal. I noticed that if I was in a picture, I was in the back or the end. Sometimes I was so far in the back that my head was the only visible part of me. I tried to hide from the camera or the result of what would be the final shot. Do you know you can't? When I was captured in a picture, the eye of the camera was not kind. It was accurately real and I hated it. Fortunately, there are not that many pictures of me because I volunteered to take the pictures.

So this is my job for tomorrow. I am going to look for a picture of me that I am willing to post. I think it will make the record of my journey more real. It will be a reminder about a place where I do not want to return. It will be a maker of the past. It will be something that I can go back to and compare where I was and where I am now. I can look at the picture as say "that was me". More importantly, it will be something that I am no longer running away from.

off roading.

Boy! what does twelve hours of workout a week do? It takes up time and I am barely getting to my blog in such as long time. In two weeks I had to add ten hours, five each week. I guess the reason why I hired a trainer was for him to get me on the right track because I obviously wasn't. Part of this experience has been to rely on what he says and listen to him. For the most part I do. However, there is a little part of my brain that tells me that it wouldn't hurt to deviate from the plan just a little. Saturday was weigh in and measurement day. I was sad to know that all my hours of hard work only amounted to a 4 pound loss. The upside, I lost several inches from my waist, arms and hips. I thought I deserved more pounds off, I sure wanted more. I am now 246 and have over 100 pounds to go.

So I guess that is my issue this weekend. I wanted more of a pay off for my hard work because I thought I was worthy. In reality, it may have been what I wanted, but I did not have a perfect two weeks. Yes, I deviated from the workout plan by not making my 12 hours a week and I did not have the right foods for a couple of meals. Therefore, I got what I deserve. Does that make sense? The only thing I can do is, do better. In retrospect, I guess I could have done more somewhere in those two weeks. You may be asking your self why the increase of hours. The worse thing about it is the finding the time. The fortunate thing is the reason why I have to do it. Remember way back when, I believe in September, when I told you how out of shape I was. All the exercise I have done since then has strengthened my heart and body. In order for me to get my heart rate up or for my body to react to the exercise, I have to work out more hours a week and the intensity has to increase. So for my husband who started later, he can walk and get his heart rate up to burn calories. Whereas, I have to jog in order to have the same results. The journey does get harder and there are definitely moments where your brain has a road block and you have to make a decision to continue or give up. This is truly the most difficult thing I have ever committed to and I need to rethink everything to put everything in check.

So where am I today. I feel like the next two weeks are a fresh start and my goal is not to go off the road. I am going to really give myself the benefits of two weeks of exercise as scheduled and following the meal planning menu. This way, when the next weigh in happens I can say, I stayed focus and committed. The scale or measuring tape reading will be what it is, but I will be satisfied with the effort I invested.

When you drive on the road, you see signs referring how long it takes to get to certain cities. I have past the fifty mile mark. So as I continue the drive, here is my sign to stay focus: 100 mile mark is around the corner!

decision time

Let me start this post by saying that I may have hit a wall. Although, I have been eating right and exercising, I think my body is at a different level and needs a change. I won't know if I have plateaued for sure until I weigh in this Saturday, but I just feel stronger, not skinnier. My exercise needs to intensify, especially since my cousin wants me to run / walk a half a marathon with her. If I choose to do this, I will have to be disciplined enough to commit to the training it involves. My goal for this week is to push myself a little bit more in regards to exercise. It will need to be my focus whenever I have a spare moment.

There have been many choices I have had to make since the start of my journey and I am sure everyone who is trying to loose weight has made many of them also. If you are like me, you need to hear the positives and focus on them. In order for me to be productive this week, I need to do just that. So here are some kudos for not just me, but for everyone who has taken steps to take off pounds.

Kudos to ............
those who have changed their eating habits.
those who have moved off the couch and have done some exercise, no matter what it is
those who are at least one pound less than they started
those who have kept what they loss off
those who help and encourage others to stick with their program
those who are still open minded and considering a weight loss program
those who want to deal with the emotions attached to being overweight, and for
those who feel better about themselves.

am I there yet?

So, my new assignment was to work out at least 12 hours this week. Between Sunday through Wednesday of this week, I worked out 8.5 hours. That averages out to about two hours per day. I took today off. I just couldn't go another day. There are three days left and I need to arrange at least four more hours of exercise. Then, I start over for the following week. Who says it gets easier? The best thing about having longer work outs is I know that my heart is stronger. Other parts of my body do not feel that way. My next weigh in is not until February 6th and I am already worried.

more gas in the engine

Have you ever just wanted to go after something? Tonight I had a sweet tooth and I so wanted something with chocolate. I opened the pantry to realize "I had nothing." I had to think if I was going for food because I really wanted something sweet or was I trying to deal with new demands. I was told I had to up my exercise to at least 12 hours a week. All I could think of was "how"? There is so much for me to do in the day already. I am not suppose to stress out, but if I don't make the 12 hour mark I will be stressed. I ended up having a glass of milk with some mixed berries.

Tonight I wish I could be addicted to exercise! This way loosing weight would be easier.

destination marker #1

Okay, Okay uncross your fingers etc. Let's have a drum role please! YES! YES! YES! I officially lost my first fifty pounds yesterday. That was an amazing feeling, especially knowing how many set backs I have had. The feeling I had yesterday has carried on today. It is a small, but important accomplishment and I can not loose sight of what I have done and what lies ahead. I have three more chunks to reach my goal - two more 50 pounds and then a 25. That is another 125 pounds! I will continue.

Today I went for a walk and as I turned the last major corner back to my house, there was a sign in front of a church. It said "Do not let what you can't do interfere with what you can do." It is amazing how this reflected my week with my ankle sprain. I was not going to exercise as much because I was too focused on my injury rather than what I could do despite it. A lesson learned!

maintenance and repair

Okay. I went to the doctor today to have him check my ankle. Although one side is still swollen, I have good range of motion and less pain. That means I will be good to go in about a week so long as I keep the brace on to stabilize the ankle. If you are wondering if I got out of training, the answer is no. I worked out on Wednesday to discover that there are many exercises you can do without the use of your feet. My abs, bottom, and thighs had a thorough workout and I feel it still today.

I continue to maintain my good eating habits. Tonight, I tried salmon. You know, I had it about five years ago because someone who loved fish ordered for me. There are many ways to cook it and I am not the least knowledgeable about how to cook it. I had a choice of blackened and then blackened with cajon. To be safe, I ordered mine regular, Tell me something! Why does it have to come served with the skin on one side. That really grossed me out. If the rest of it was attached, like the eyeballs, I would have had to thrown it back. Seriously, take the bone and skin off for me. Needless to say, I ate it with lemons. It was good and I am willing to try it again.

Now for tomorrow. My husband and I have our trainer consult and weigh in. I have gotten used to this routine, but tomorrow is kind of a big day. I am hesitant to weigh in because I was shooting for my 50 pound mark. If I make it, I will be ecstatic. If not, I have to keep telling myself that I am in a better place than I was in September. No getting down and playing the 'what if" game. So, keep your legs, fingers, toes, and whatever else you can crossed for me. What number will I hit?

off the road

Ok. I was asked "what happened?" I told the doctor that I went skiing and managed a triple flip, but when I landed I hit my ankle. He was impressed. I laughed and said I was just kidding. I couldn't actually tell him the speciifcs except that I missed a step on my stairs because of my vision. How sad is that? One little slip and I have ruined the momentum. All I could say to him was "please don't say it is broken!" He laughed.

After sitting in the ER for about a hour and a half, I received the results of my x-rays. I want you to know that as much as exercise is hard for me, I did not want to hear that my ankle was broken. Luckily, it wasn't. It is badly sprained. I am upset because now I have to limit my exercise. This reduces my training and work outs. My first thought this morning was to go to the food. "Well, if I can't exercise it is going to hurt my program. So it won't matter if I go after food." I can report that I did not. In a way, I think I need to have the experiences / emotions that made me go to food. I know I have had a few so far. The reason why I think I need those experiences is because I am retraining my brain to react differently. If I continue to make different decisions down the road when I have those feelings, then I won't associate them with food for good.

This is not the time for any kind of injury. I am not happy with the fact that I am loosing time. Why? I know that the exercise has been a crucial part in me loosing weight. Diet alone did not work for me and that is what I have right not. So, what does that mean. I am not going to be going down the scale. I have to sit back and watch the time pass. I don't want to though. I want to be up and running. If I do, then I can make matters worse. Why did this have to happen?

on the road- not having everything in your home with you.

This last weekend was a challenge. My husband and I went up North to work and staying on our current diet for three days was going to be challenging. Remember when I talked about snacks in the car for pre-diet road trips? Well, this time our snacks were totally different. We packed the protein shake, the protein bars, and the nuts. Out intention, was to buy fresh fruit and veggies from the farmer stands on the side of the road. Unfortunately, the stands were closed so we had to by fruits in the store. Saturday was easy in Gilroy, the garlic capitol of the world. Our meals contained the right foods and I thought the rest of the weekend was going to be easy.

Needless to say, we hit Solvang and by Sunday, our diet was off track. Was it that I did not plan enough snacks / food or was it already set in my mind that we were going to have a cheat day? I think it was the latter and let me tell you "cheating was not easy." No, the self induced guilt I felt and created was making the cheat become more difficult. Once I ate the wonderful danish, I felt horrible. It bothered me throughout the day and since I was not prepared, my lunch meal was not very healthy. How was I going to survive eating dinner? There was no way I could take he day back. The only thing I could do was try to make my last meal somewhat healthy and compliant to my diet. No fast food places that was for sure. We ended up at a nice steak house and the food was delicious, the company was great, and the ambiance was wonderful. I skipped the rice, but ate the vegetables and protein. I even ate the asparagus which I know I am allergic too. Aside from a swollen mouth, I did not regret trying it. It had been a long time since I had eaten it.

When we came home, we had to get back into the swing of things. Our trainer was coming over and I had to confess that I was not able to get in any exercise. I was feeling great as I trained, but I must of taking a bad step going up my stairs. When I took off my shoe, my ankle was swollen and not I have to deal with it. I can't afford to have any problems with my body. I cried all night. If something is wrong with my ankle, am I doomed? Off to doctors to find out!

these words are not in your drivers manual

Okay, I worked out tonight and I wasn't sore. When it was over, all I could think of was all the words that are used during training. I felt like I did not master the exerices given to me. I was lost in the words as I tried to make every minute count.

So here is Traning Academy Vocabulary 101.

Reach. Higher. Touch. Squat. Lower. Do it right. Start over. Sprint. Give me more. Break. Finish it. Staighten up. Knees higher. Knees lower. Do it again, Good job. Make it count. Hold it. Slower. Faster. Jog. Hips back. Bend. Lift. Push it out. Butt down. You can do it. That doesn't count. Water. Feet in. Turn to the left. Get hands up. Stretch. Run. Hold the weight. Push it up. Relax. Bigger steps. Smaller steps. Legs apart. Legs together. Back straight. From the knees, not the back. Get there. Work for it. Extend your knees.

Sound confusing! It can be. Hang on because I am sure there is more to follow.

packing for the trip

Have any of you gone a long road trip? Did you have the need to pack up the food? We have gone on several trips. We bought food and took it in the car and ate what we wanted, when we wanted it. We had plenty of snacks at our disposal. Since our new meal plans do not allow for the emotional food that so warmed my soul, we have to deal with what we can eat. This week my husband and I had to learn how take the new foods in our home and prepare them for our meals. I never thought about what I was having the next day, much less five to six meals a day. What did this mean for us? First, we actually had to think what we are going to make with food in the refrigerator ahead of time. Next, was the planning of each meal. We had to make sure that each meal had the right foods and food amounts. The planning was not that difficult, but making and boxing the food was. After planning and preparing, the food was put in containers. Now, there are many containers with the right foods for the three meals we eat at work lined up in the refrig, one set for him and one set for me. How long can I do this? The time we have in the evening seems to be decreasing. By the time we deal with the daily grind, our children, our exercise program, and now food planning and preparing, I am somewhat missing "me time." I do not like having more to do. Maybe it will get easier or maybe I can pon it off on my husband. I am hoping it doesn't get old! For now, I know I have to do it in order to make progress and to stay focused on my diet. The plus side is that it is easier to get out the door in the morning!


So now let me talk about the emotional food that so warmed my soul. I have to be honest. I am tempted and I do miss certain foods that either tasted so good or where my favorite comfort food. I think about how I can reinforce myself with those foods, but I haven't. You would think I would be thinking about reinforcing myself with new clothes, shoes, etc., but I don't. I have to keep telling myself "I can't right now." I have to remember what my goal is by next November.

thinking about the drive

Today, I have had some time to reflect on my journey (or should I say now my husband's and my journey). There are obese people who do not diet or rarely exercise. If you are there now, I can relate. We watched reality shows and were in awe by massive weight loss from week to week. To us, that was soooo not reality. Although many people may want to go, there are too many obese people in
America that will not get a chance to leave their daily grind to go on a show. So what happens to all of us? We have to figure it out ourselves. We need to develope a support system and learn to make baby step changes toward something very complicated. There needs to be an avenue in which we can relate to someone who will help and support us, especially during emotional or weak moments. The person who you click with could be a family member or friend. You need to believe that change is possible and that the list of I can's becomes greater than the list of I can'ts. The more you practice something, the more of a habit it becomes. The first part of our journey was making sure our children and family were supportive as we decided to make a committement without excuses. I can go back there so quickly if I do not stay focused. Here it is four months into the journey and I realize that what lies ahead is still not going to be easy. This blog is for everyone who has helped us stay committed and on the right path. Thanks to our three boys (we know the changes with the food in the home are not easy for them), our trainer, our parents, our friends, our family, and our co-workers. This journey is much easier with your support!!!!!

Here is where we are now. We both weight 255. Since September, that is a 44 pound loss for me and a 35 pound loss for my husband. Where do we want to be? My husband has 70 more pounds while I have 126 pounds to go. It is coming off slow, but the point is "it is coming off." The small losses from week to week have added up and it is starting to show! That is such a great feeling.

the drive gets harder

Today was full of surprises in regards to training. You know were you are going usually and you have an idea how it is suppose to go. I had known that some of the skills that I was learning and doing were getting easier, but I also knew that I had room for improvement. I could have better form or more repetitions in a certain amount of time. When it came time to train tonight, it started very familiar. The jogging back and forth to get my heart rate up. No biggie! Very tolerable! After that, it was like I was in an unknown place. Not one exercise was the same. Each exercise was a variation of something that I may have tried but HARDER! The sweat, the lack of coordination, and the incomplete trials were present. I managed to finish but my body ached. Yes, all over!

The biggest difference between this change to changes in the past was my reaction. Boy, I can remember how I cried and tortured myself when change was expected of me. I wanted to fight the change as much as I could. I had excuses and the easy way out tempted me. But not tonight. I tried. I knew that the road to weight loss is getting bumpier and I had to give it my all. If I don't, I will only be hurting myself. I would be defeated. I can't feel that way since I have come so far. All I could think of with every exercise was, how am I going to do this? How am I going to finish this set? Will this get better? Well, only time will tell. I still have many miles to travel and I have to look forward in order to keep focused on my destination. In the meantine, someone please pass the ice pack or get me a massage!

on the road again with work at my side

Wow! My relax state of mind and body was out the window today as I started back to work. I don't know if I mention it in the past, but I was definitely a stress eater. There had been many times were food was relief, especially if I was at home. The bag of chips or the cookies on the shelf were so comforting. I justified having not just one or two, but several servings of three or more. I try to go back to that place now. Yes, I liked the food. Yes, it tasted good. Yes, I deserved it. The when I finished eating, I felt like the food replaced my stress and I could push issues aside. Never did I worry about the calories, how much weight I was putting on, or if I was eating just to eat. It felt safe to me. So I did I handle today. I kept busy as I felt tension throughout my body. There was no desire though to stress eat. I could have dug into the goodies at the work table, but I walked right past them. In the past I would have indulged in a treat or two. Not this time. I dealt with the intense schedule and every time I felt tense, I got up and moved. I walked around the school, stretched my legs, or found something to do other than sitting. That was a huge difference for where I used to be.


The best thing about today was the compliments. Yes, people are finally noticing the weight loss and I feel reinforced for all the hard work I have invested. As the new year starts I have to be proud of the 40 some pounds I have lost and keep my mind focused on the other 130 more to go. The changes in diet seem to be working although there are a few foods I can not tolerate. Greek yogurt for one. It makes me gag. I tried it with fruit tonight. While the taste was a little better, it was not great. The taste is something I will have to get used to if I decide to continue eating it. When I came home, I was ready for my workout with my trainer. It released more tension and I actually felt like I could go for an hour more. -