where do you go from diaster

It has been two days since I crumbled. After being mad, I was finally able to get of some sense from it. . The first thing I realized is that when you fall, people can pick you up and help you or you can do it on your own. For me, if I allowed my trainer to get me out of this emotional thing, then I thought it would be in pity. Would he respect me? Would I respect myself? His words on the hill echoed through my head. Yes, his words may have been harsh as first, but in actuality he was right. I have to rethink those emotional thoughts and turn them into useful energy. I could sit and cry, but what good would that do me. A temporary relief, not permanent one. So when I went to the gym the past to days, I turned those emotions into anger. Yes, I was angry and took it out on the machines. It actually felt good. I channeled those thoughts that brought me down and thought about them as I was ready to give up. It helped me get the last two or three trials done. The second thing I realized is that I am too worried about the bigger picture. When will I lose that 150 pounds, why is my husband loosing faster than me, etc. I have to stay focused on the here and now or I will drive myself crazy. When you make little accomplishments, do what my trainer says and be proud. So, here is what I am proud of today no matter how insignificant others may think they are. One, I actually did some running in my workout. When I first started training and my trainer said he was going to have me run, I laughed in his face. I had not run for 20 years. He just smiled and told me to wait. Tonight I had to own it. When he said I told you, I just smiled and swallowed that laughter that I so quickly gave him in the first days of training. Secondly, I am proud of the twenty pound loss. I have always seen the scale go up and up. There is hope. It is coming down.

When you drive, do you always have a road map. Well, I never had my food mapped out. I never checked calories or labels. I just bought the food and ate. Explains why I am in the predicament I am in now. So what if I write yogurt. Does it really matter the brand? The log I have been keeping is detailed but today I found out by my trainer that I have to get more specific. Put those calories on! Put the portion down! Oh, man! I gave myself several excuses why I could not do it. I was going to refuse. Then, I realized again. If I don't, I am fighting what I want to do and that is loose weight. How can I be helped in this area if I don't show exactly what my intake is. I have to be honest so that I don't hurt myself in the long run. How more complicated can this be?