working through this

I spent this weekend working away from home. I was not prepared for meals or I did not have exercised plan. I felt BLAH! Today is no different. There is some sense of frustration that I can not train. Well I support those who do or can, I am upset that all I can do is walk. There needs to be a progression, not a regression. My mind set needs to be re-focus. I am are going to have to look at the glass half full for the next couple of months so that I do not drive myself crazy about the glass that is half empty. In order to do that, I need to look at the medical benefits that I will result in all this. My body will be well rested and I will actually slow down. This is going to be a forced break. What do I do? The couch, bed, and chair are not my friends and I can not tolerate being still for long. The 6 to 8 weeks of forced rest may end up driving me crazy. Watch out, I may be blogging more and reading more blogs!

I am parked!

Well, I went to the doctor today and it looks like I am definitely having surgery. He has taken me off work. We had a long conversation today and I don't know where I could have miss understood him. Apparently, I should have not been exercising to the degree I was since I was diagnosed officially with anemia. My symptoms have existed for a while, but I really didn't think that I had a medical issue until labs were done on me. Anyway, until I have surgery, I can walk. Yup, that's about all. Not an efficient workout, but I guess it is a way for me to keep moving. My recovery will be difficult for the first couple of weeks. I am going to try and blog each day to help me get through this.

Last night I did not sleep because of pain and my body could not regulate body heat. I was miserable. I managed to work today and get through my last work out with the trainer. It was no means intense. When I got home, I cried. I think all of this is eating at my emotions. I can't let this get to me. UGH!!! I told myself when I first started this journey that I needed to do this by myself ..... no surgeries. If I so much regress, I am see will see myself as a failure. I know I should not, but I will be taking two steps backwards. Guess what? I don't do backwards.

Can't sleep cuz I need to park the car.

Tomorrow is my last day to workout with my trainer and I can't sleep. Ugh!!! I am worried about what will transpire in the next few months. In the next two weeks I will be preparing for my surgery. Things at the office will need to be settled and ready for my absence. My time for workouts will be limited. I worry about what will happen. How much weight loss can I maintain? Will I gain since I can't maintain my exercise level? How will my food habits change? How much will I regress physically? I so do not want park the car. This part of the journey is definitely challenging. This part of the journey is a fork in the road and I am unsure of the road that lies ahead.

good news, but I have to park and stop off the road

Yay! I found out that the removed tumors were not cancerous. I still have to have the organ removed that is causing them and my other medical problems.

So, in my earlier blogs, I talked about being tired, short of breath, dizzy, and having the feeling of throwing up during my workouts. It wasn't lack of effort or a purposeful lack of energy. It was more than that and today it all came together as to why. Truthfully, I should not even have worked out to that extent. My body could have gone into shock. My plan is to work out with caution until my surgery and then I will be out for at least two months. This definitely puts an unwanted kink in my weight loss journey.

hope I get some sleep. can't drive this way.

Tomorrow is my day at the physician's office to determine what lies ahead of me medically. I relaxed this afternoon, but as I prepare for my day tomorrow, I feel my nerves rising. This better not keep me up all night! In my previous days, I would use anything that came up as an excuse not to deal with my weight. Now that this can interfere with my journey, I dislike that it will.

My oldest son is out of state while my other two boys are here at home. They are worried and I have to do my best to be strong in order not to worry them further. They mean the world to me and I want to protect them as much as I can. Mark, my husband, will be there with me tomorrow. We are thinking positive and we know that we can deal with this together.

I want to have some say about when I can have the surgery. My family, mom, friends, and trainer do not want me to postpone or delay what needs to get done. They are right and I am lucky to have support from all.

which package do I want?

This coming Monday I find out the results of my testing from last week. There are two options at this point. Malignant or benign tumors. I am hoping for the latter option. Either way, I will need surgery at some point. The wait is stressing me out. Why can't results come in sooner? Tonight's workout was intense and I was only off of my routine for one week. Boy, does that mess you up or what? I am sore all over. It makes me frustrated to know that taking two months off or more after surgery will severely hinder my progress. UGH!!! This journey definitely has it turns. I just need to stay on the road. If I fall off or stop, then my goals will not be achieved.

I guess I have to take one step at a time, one day at a time. Life can be so challenging at times. There are many people who are worse off than me and I can only hope that they have strength to deal what they need to deal with in their life.

how do I handle the turns in the road

I underwent day surgery that stopped me from activity for two days. What will happen when the pathology of those results are in? Right now, I am anemic. OMG, that explains the dizziness, lack of energy, and shortness of breath that did not seem to go away, especially while working out. In about two weeks, I will find out the route I will have to take. The less intrusive route will keep me away from any kind of activity for 6 to 8 weeks. I am frustrated to say the least. I have worked hard and I know that my lifestyle change of getting healthier has worked because of a combination of factors (getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising, decreasing stress, etc). Eliminating one factor affects the scale and the inches. If I am forced to take out the physical component, I am worried that I will gain pounds that I have worked so hard to take off my body and my level of performance, even though I am not an expert, will decrease.

Some people may not think that this bumpy road ahead is a problem and that I should not let it bother me. It is and I do! Since my weight has been an issue and something that I have to keep working on, this bump bothers me. It makes this journey that more intense. It makes me sad that I will be taking several steps backward before I can move forward again. As for medical issues, I know I am doing the right thing. I have to take care of this. I have to know that in the long run I will still "win" my weight loss battle. There is no other option. I just wish that is was going to be smooth sailing from here to my final goal.