snapshots along the way

Well, my husband is definitely on board with our "lifestyle" changes. He is the one focused on getting to the gym to exercise or getting me up to walk. I am the one who encourages the right food. Today, Valentine's Day, he served me my cereal after our long walk. One of our topics of discussion was about our monthly pictures we take to document our weight loss. We have taken front, back and side views of how we looked and those pictures of me would scare anyone away. So those will not be shown to anyone.


There are other pictures. Some of you have a picture on your blog whereas I do not. Do I put a picture of myself out there? If you would have asked me in September, the answer would have been a definite "no". I was too embarrassed to acknowledge how fat I was and I was extremely saddened about the way I looked. Looking at pictures of me makes me depressed. I can't believe that I let myself go. The stress, the emotional issues, the emotional eating, and the addiction to food to smooth over feelings WON. I was the loser and the lack of eating right / exerciing was the winner.

If you ask me if I will put out a picture now, I guess I am at least considering it. Here is the deal. I noticed that if I was in a picture, I was in the back or the end. Sometimes I was so far in the back that my head was the only visible part of me. I tried to hide from the camera or the result of what would be the final shot. Do you know you can't? When I was captured in a picture, the eye of the camera was not kind. It was accurately real and I hated it. Fortunately, there are not that many pictures of me because I volunteered to take the pictures.

So this is my job for tomorrow. I am going to look for a picture of me that I am willing to post. I think it will make the record of my journey more real. It will be a reminder about a place where I do not want to return. It will be a maker of the past. It will be something that I can go back to and compare where I was and where I am now. I can look at the picture as say "that was me". More importantly, it will be something that I am no longer running away from.